


Not about "use"

by earlsmokey



Category: ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Drunken sex, M/M, grown men being dumb, listen theres a lot of dicks in this fic, talking through relationship issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlsmokey/pseuds/earlsmokey
Summary: “What I’m saying is I’m still your friend first and foremost. I can pretend this didn’t happen, but what if it wasn’t me? You need to either go to counselling as a couple, or find yourself a therapist, dude. I’m being serious right now.”“No, we can…”“Resolve it yourselves? Clearly you can’t, or you wouldn’t show up yesterday. You’d be at home, all up in her tits or whatever you hets do.”There is a moment of silence. Yonghoon puts his mug down and rubs the palm of his left hand with his right thumb. Hyungu subconsciously mirrors the gesture, then asks: “Too far?”“No…” Yonghoon sighs. “No, it isn’t, just really unpleasant to hear, but truth doesn’t have to be pleasant, I guess?”
Kudos: 16





	Not about "use"

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'ed by my amazing gf, sadquark  
> Please enjoy and tell me what you think!

_DNYDK – hawaii in seoul_

When Yonghoon shows up at his doorstep at ass o'clock on a Sunday, Hyungu isn't even mad. He can't bring himself to be. It's the second time this week, and this time it actually looks serious, so – with a sigh – Kang steps aside, letting the other come in.

Yonghoon – somehow – is holding it together just fine: he's well dressed and has a vacant expression on his face. To all of the people whom he met on his way here, Jin probably looked completely normal. Hyungu can’t help but feel it in the air, though. Yonghoon's tense and tired and barely keeping all of that in.

"Want to talk about it? Or should we move this to the kitchen?" Hyungu asks. Yonghoon – who's already neatly placing his shoes on the rack – vaguely gestures to the next room. Kang nods and walks through the door, disappearing for a brief couple of minutes, while the other fumbles with his coat.

By the time Yonghoon gets to the kitchen, the lights are on, the microwave is humming its monotonous song, and Hyungu is pouring wine into a glass. A full one already waits on the table. Yonghoon eyes it.

"At least have the decency to try my cooking, man. You can drink and whine as much as you want afterwards."

"Alright, alright," Jin easily gives in and sits down at the table. Less than a minute passes before a steaming plate of veggies and rice appears before him. The tired expression lifts ever so slightly... He probably didn't get to have dinner, did he?

Hyungu silently watches as Yonghoon wolfs down the meal, taking tiny sips of wine every few minutes just to make it seem like they're both doing something appropriate for the room. Not that Yonghoon cares if he's staring anyways.

"So..." Kang starts carefully.

"We're breaking up... I think," Yonghoon blurts out immediately.

"You think?" Hyungu asks, raising his eyebrows. He'd rather ask the question of "again?!" but he has just enough human decency not to egg his friend on. He's already struggling enough, if he just came unannounced like this.

"Well, she kind of screamed at me for half an hour, then broke a few plates... I might've yelled at her, too..." 

"So, the usual?"

"The usual..." Yonghoon admits with a sigh. "But it feels different, man. It's not a "buy her roses and come kiss her" kind of a situation anymore, you know what I'm saying?"

"No, I don't," Hyungu deadpans. Yonghoon forcefully rubs the bridge of his nose. Right, Hyungu's gay, he doesn't have to deal with trying to work out the way a woman's mind works.

"But if I were you..." Hyungu continues, his tone quickly growing serious. "I'd probably stop trying at this point."

"No way! I want to be with her... I love her."

There is a brief pause, in which Hyungu takes another – noticeably larger sip – and Yonghoon fights the feeling that he's being led to some conclusion, hand held and all.

"Well, at least you can take a break? What use is it if you're constantly at each other's throats?"

"Relationships aren't supposed to be about "use", Hyungu..."

"Oh yeah? And what are they about?" Kang asks, his expression unchanging. 

Gradually, it starts to tick Yonghoon off and he falls silent once again. He doesn't like being put into a situation where he has to think too much, especially when he's already stressed like this. Which answer is Hyungu even expecting? And why is he interrogating Yonghoon like this? He came to ask for help, not to get an earful!

Annoyance swells in Jin's chest and he takes a large swig out of his glass, as if trying to cool off his overheating brain. His well put together façade is crumbling with an ever-growing speed.

"You don't have to hurry like that, we have the whole night ahead of us," Hyungu says, shrugging lazily and resting his elbow on the table.

Indeed, the whole night is at their disposal, but as the minutes pass time seems to melt around them: sometimes it slows down to a crawl, but other times it flies, taking them with it to places yet unknown. Or maybe it’s because Yonghoon spirals that he stops keeping track of how long he’s been talking for?

They finish the bottle and leap straight into hard liquor, skipping a few alcohol percentage “steps”. Jin, flushed in the face and completely unreasonable at this point, rants and raves. He gets pointlessly angry at Hyungu’s smartass remarks, then quickly realizing he’s right. Hyungu may be a bitch to talk to sometimes, but he allows Yonghoon to speak, and it means the world. He’s heard all of it before: how Yonghoon’s girlfriend is constantly in his hair about his career not taking off fast enough; how Yonghoon loses his temper sometimes when she won’t act like an adult… Hyungu’s been there for him from the beginning, like a true friend, so he knows everything Yonghoon could possibly tell him by heart, yet he doesn’t shut him up. He… Is trying to help?

Arguably, talking through such things is much more effective with a sober person, but none of them notice when they cross the line. The room feels scorching hot and they open the windows. Yonghoon unbuttons his collar, then another couple of buttons, the red of his flannel contrasting against his pale chest. Hyungu makes another snarky remark, reminding Jin that his flat isn’t a public bathhouse.

He isn’t mad, though. He can’t bring himself to be, because somehow the conversation sucks him in, and now he’s giving Yonghoon drunken advice without a second of hesitation.

It all culminates when Jin puts his hand against the tabletop. The movement is sloppy, and it lands with a loud thud, shaking the whole table. His eyes light up… Well, as much as they can do behind a haze of half-consciousness. He grabs Hyungu by the wrist, thankfully, choosing the free hand.

“I think I got it!” he proclaims with such amazing enthusiasm and clarity, as if he has no doubts that Hyungu can read his mind. For a second, Kang gets a little sad that he can’t.

“You got what?” he asks.

“I got… I got inspiration! Quick, let’s move it!” Yonghoon tries to get up and drag Hyungu with him, but stops halfway, sitting back down and making the time to grab the unfinished bottle. “Come on, man, I don’t know how long I can keep the ideas inside, you don’t want me to start yelling tunes, do you?”

“…And what if I do?” Hyungu asks quietly. Quietly enough, in fact, that Yonghoon doesn’t even hear it and just proceeds into the other room. Kang has no other choice than to follow. He can’t deny that he’s intrigued by what his guest could possibly come up with.

By the time he gets into the room, Yonghoon has already turned on the lights and put the bottle on the bed. Thankfully, he didn’t forget to put the lid on or that would turn into another screaming match.

“Do you have a notepad or something?” he asks, without even turning around. Hyungu fumbles a little, his hands too soft and clumsy after all of the drinks he practically shotgunned, but manages to produce a notepad and a pencil. Yonghoon snatches them out of his hands and sits down at the foot of the bed, frantically scribbling something across the pages. He goes against the lining and that – weirdly – is so him and it makes so much sense…

Hyungu missed it.

He missed the days when Yonghoon would get so driven that he couldn’t think of anything else but his music and how he could tell one of his stories. Hyungu loved every single one of them. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t support Jin through thick and thin. He would’ve given up on playing the guitar less than a year in, to be honest. 

Even if they both “grew up” and found “reasonable” jobs, they both kept the love and the longing for those blessed days in their souls. What separated them was probably their attitude towards music. Yonghoon has always been genuine with his feelings, so he’s always said that it was his main career and interest (hence all of his relationship problems), while Hyungu switched focus in his last year of college, choosing to be a “normal” adult. 

Now that he saw Yonghoon hunched over a sheet of paper, scribbling away once again, Kang realized that he had been lying to himself all this time. He wanted to pursue music as well, but now he’d made his choice… But what if just once he…?

Hyungu plops down right next to Yonghoon, his gaze fixed upon the crooked lines of text. Some of them fall out of rhythm, the rhymes aren’t perfect, but they’re all genuine, and that’s what makes them great. He watches in awe as Jin whips out word after word, crosses them out, changes the lines around and, ultimately, puts the pencil down.

Beads of sweat are rolling down his temples and neck, soaking the collar of his shirt. He wipes his face with his own sleeve (which is counterproductive, but seems to work for him) and leans back. Hyungu takes a longer, more focused gaze at the finished text. In his mind it sounds nice, but doesn’t quite bring up a melody. 

Kang reaches over Yonghoon’s shoulder, brushing past his ear, and grabs the bottle. It’s his time to take a harder hit, and he does. As liquor goes down, warming up his chest once more, he reads the text aloud in a soft murmur, but this time – who would’ve thought – Yonghoon hears it and snaps out of his stupor.

“No, not like that,” he says in a gentle, patient tone. Hyungu stops in his tracks and shoots Jin a gaze that can only mean one thing… “All right, all right, I’ll show you.”

Yonghoon says it like he didn’t intend to ever show this song to anyone but his eyes light up once more and he seems just as giddy as Kang is, waiting for him to start. He clears his throat and…

Magic happens. 

There’s no other way to put what Hyungu hears, really. Yonghoon might be a little bit out of practice and his voice might not be as smooth as it used to be, but as he takes another deep breath in to pour his soul out once more, Kang feels a lump in his throat. He really, truly missed it.

As seconds pass, though, Hyungu’s mind catches up to him and he realizes that he’s been losing precious time. And so, he grabs the notepad, jotting down chords next to the lines Yonghoon put down. The page now looks like either an absolute mess or a very complicated cipher. To outsider, that is. To Hyungu everything is coming together, and he is sure for Yonghoon it will too.

When the song finishes and Jin slumps against the bed once again, a content smile blooming across his lips, Hyungu stands up and gets his guitar. The case is dusty – a dead giveaway that it hadn’t been given the love it deserves. Kang lovingly runs his palm across the side, feeling the smooth wood, and quickly tunes it, just in case. He can’t ruin the moment by playing messily, can he?

As he starts to play, no matter how cloudy his mind is, his hands are no longer a clumsy, mushy mess. His fingers dance across the strings as the melody comes together, little by little. Of course, it isn’t smooth and polished yet and it takes him some time to adjust between the sections but Yonghoon’s nodding along and in the moment that’s all that matters.

Then he plays it once again from the top and this time Jin joins in, his voice gradually becoming louder. By the second verse both of them are singing, then gradually moving away from the new song, remembering everything they used to play. 

At some point they make their way over to the balcony (absolutely forgetting to bring the guitar). As they stand there, slouched against the railing, chilly wind claws at their ankles and necks but they don’t feel it. Whiskey feeds the fire inside their stomachs and they keep on screaming silly pop songs from their freshman days.

The sun rises, peeking over the low rows of houses and they greet it with open arms. They laugh, like they haven’t laughed in a long, long time, and it seems like there’s nothing in this world that they can’t do. Even faraway Seoul seems so small and insignificant, like they could leap over it in a single step. Instead, they stumble inside and flop down on the bed.

Stars twirl around them, making them both dizzy. It doesn’t even matter that the room is flooded with sunlight: for them the night continues and they ride the high from it to the very end. Their clothes end up on the floor somewhere along the way and the sheets bunch up under their shifting bodies. They kiss desperately, fingers tangled in each other’s hair, skin on skin.

Hyungu covers Yonghoon’s mouth with his hand, then giving up completely and letting Jin gasp and moan to his heart’s content. Half of the time, it’s not Hyungu’s name coming out of his mouth, but it doesn’t really matter, as long as they both are feeling like this. Soon, even the city waking up outside can’t bring them out of their bubble, and all they hear are the dirty, dirty sounds of their own lust...

Hyungu opens his eyes, then winces, realizing just how grand of a headache he’s got. He breathes and counts to three before trying again. What greets him is his good old bedroom, just slightly disheveled. The curtains are fluttering in the wind, and there are a few items scattered next to the bookcase… He must’ve dropped them while he was searching for the notepad. His guitar – still out of the case – proudly sits in the chair in the corner of the room. And right beside his ear there is… Gentle snoring?

Oh, right.

He tries to roll over, then quickly realizing that Yonghoon’s pinning his arm down with the entirety of this weight. 

“Alrighty then,” Kang mumbles. It’s a struggle but he manages to contort his neck just enough to see that it’s 2 PM. He sighs heavily and plops his head back onto the pillow. The day has pretty much gone to shit already, so there’s no reason to get out of bed, especially since his skull feels about ready to crack open.

Just as this thought crosses his mind, Yonghoon fumbles a little and opens one eye. It seems like the memories of last night come back to him with a delay, as he does a big stretch and clings to Hyungu’s side once more, then abruptly stops and backs away with an expression of confusion and horror on his face.

“What? Weren’t you the one to insist on riding me a few hours ago?” Hyungu asks, raising an eyebrow. The alcohol is almost out of his system, so his attitude is back in full force.

“Was I?” Jin asks him, then quickly realizing that yes, he did exactly that, and then his brain tried to save him the embarrassment. It could’ve even worked, if he at least had the energy to dress up or something but no, he’s laying there butt-naked and sore, having fucked his friend…

“Breakfast?” Hyungu takes the opportunity to sit up and stretch.

“Just tea, please…” Yonghoon exhales, and that’s a good choice on his part. To be completely honest, Hyungu probably won’t be able to shove anything solid down his own throat, either, but he wanted to be a good host, even after all of the mess.

He stands up and quickly scans the room to locate his underwear, which he immediately puts on to save Yonghoon the embarrassment. It’s the same dick he had in him last night, but a “straight” man’s brain works in mysterious ways. As this thought comes and goes, Hyungu chuckles to himself and makes his way over to the kitchen. 

In the few short minutes that Kang takes to prepare the French press and steep the tea, Yonghoon manages to dress up fully and visit the bathroom. When he comes into the kitchen, he looks almost presentable, save for his dark circles and his shirt being wrinkly as all hell. Hyungu eyes it, then – with a smirk – offers to iron it. Jin looks about ready to combust, but manages to produce a fairly stern “no need”. 

They sit down at the table, each taking tiny sips from their mugs, careful not to make themselves sick. No one breaks the silence, and it seems to go on forever… Then Hyungu finishes gathering his thoughts. He looks up at Yonghoon.

“Look, the sex was great, I had fun and all, but if having a fight with your girlfriend is enough to make you drink ‘till you…” he vaguely gestures at his own almost naked body and then at the bedroom door before continuing. “Then something really isn’t right.”

“No shit,” Yonghoon answers, avoiding his gaze.

“What I’m saying is I’m still your friend first and foremost. I can pretend this didn’t happen, but what if it wasn’t me? You need to either go to counselling as a couple, or find yourself a therapist, dude. I’m being serious right now.”

“No, we can…”

“Resolve it yourselves? Clearly you can’t, or you wouldn’t have shown up yesterday. You’d be at home, all up in her tits or whatever you hets do.”

There is a moment of silence. Yonghoon puts his mug down and rubs the palm of his left hand with his right thumb. Hyungu subconsciously mirrors the gesture, then asks: “Too far?”

“No…” Yonghoon sighs. “No, it isn’t, just really unpleasant to hear, but truth doesn’t have to be pleasant, I guess?”

Hyungu doesn’t answer, instead picking up his mug once again and taking a sip. What Yonghoon needs right now is space and time to think, so Kang decides not to pressure him any further. Instead, he lets his friend finish his tea and sees him off, then swiftly returning to bed. He’s goddamn lucky to have Mondays off, or he would be in deep shit… he isn’t, though, so he quickly drifts off to sleep once more.

***

_ DNYDK – Oui Oui We _

When Yonghoon shows up at his doorstep once again a week or so later, Hyungu is ready to physically slap some sense into him. When he opens the door, though, Jin immediately – without even stepping in – thanks him. There’s a moment of silence in which they stare at each other blankly, then something clicks in Yonghoon’s head and he explains: “I’ve booked an appointment with a therapist… And we’ve decided to cool it of for a while. She’s moved back in with her parents.”

“Oh…” Kang exhales, taking a few seconds to fully process the thought. “Oh! Good for you, man! Why’d you come all the way over, though? You could call me or something.”

Despite his words, Hyungu still steps aside, letting his friend come in. He’s happy to see him, regardless, but it’s a little weird to come to the other side of the town just to exchange a few phrases. 

“Do you want to celebrate?” Hyungu suggests, quickly running of other explanations.

“Yeah, let’s just not make it like the last time,” Kang freezes for a brief moment, but then Yonghoon chuckles to himself. Whew… He isn’t actually as uptight about it, as Hyungu expected him to be. “I actually brought you something nice for your troubles…”

And, as if he were some sort of magician, Yonghoon produces an entire, albeit small, cake out of the paper bag that Hyungu failed to pay attention to previously. It’s a reasonable size for two, covered in chocolate glaze, but most of all it’s amazing just because Kang didn’t expect it to be there. 

“Wow, you’re a changed man already, Jin Yonghoon,” he says teasingly. Yonghoon shoots him what’s supposed to be a death glare, but it’s ineffective. 

They move to the kitchen. Yonghoon keeps an eye on the steeping tea while Hyungu cuts the cake. They chat idly about plans and happenings, and Kang’s heart finally lightens, as he realizes that Yonghoon – for once – is taking everything fairly well. Of course, the whole saga with his girlfriend isn’t over yet, but this time he seems genuinely calm and even having fun without any alcohol in his system.

“So…” Yonghoon says eventually with a sly gleam in his eye. “About that song we wrote…”

“Oh, so you remember that, but don’t remember everything afterwards? Your memory is one curious thing…” Hyungu, obviously, can’t miss an opportunity to take a piss, and he’s rewarded by a slightly flustered laugh.

“Well, that was before liquor fully hit, and I do remember…”

“A-a-anyways, what about it?”

Yonghoon purses his lips and leans away from the table. His fingertips plant a few taps the surface of the table, but fail to produce a rhythm.

“Dunno… I’d like it to be an actual song.”

“Is this an invitation to record together?”

“Maybe, or maybe not.” Jin takes a large swig out of his mug to hide his shit-eating grin.

“You know I can’t decline, right? I’m physically unable to.”

With that it’s decided. Three years after graduating, they’re finally back to working on a joint project, and it feels like a small but needed dose of normality in their lives, even if it ends up being just a one-off thing. 

What this decision brings forth is a bunch of rehearsals: both separately and together; a bunch of opportunities to discuss their personal insight on how this song should turn out, and, most of all, a bunch of time spent together, just like the old times… Or?

Hyungu somehow manages to remain oblivious throughout the whole preparation process, and Yonghoon has the courtesy (or the anxiety) not to push anything onto him. The recording goes smoothly and quickly, since there’s just two of them and all of the puzzle pieces have almost fallen into place already. After it Yonghoon takes him to a place they used to frequent as tired, stressed seniors and even treats him to a coffee, like the awesome friend and colleague that he is. 

The very next moment, though, the same “awesome colleague” clears his throat and leans closer, putting weight onto his arms, folded on the table. Kang instinctively leans away. Yonghoon doesn’t push any further, but dares utter the stupidest thing he’s said in over a month…

“Hey, what if we tried dating?”

And – like the dumbass he is – Hyungu agrees. ‘Cause why not, right?

***

They end up going on four (very stereotypical) dates, and it’s not like it’s not fun. It gives Hyungu a reason to get out of the house and, besides, it’s a couple of hours spent with a person whose company he enjoys. It does feel strange, though, when they try to hold hands or share a kiss. 

It’s like being a sweaty middle-schooler left behind at the gym all over again. He vividly remembers the wetness and heat of a girl’s mouth over his own and the overbearing sweetness of bubblegum tucked safely behind her cheek. This time, instead of a semi-random classmate, it’s Yonghoon, who is – arguably – pretty damn hot, so it doesn’t really make sense why it doesn’t come naturally.

Hyungu really tries to shut up his mind, which is trying to convince him that it’s weird to kiss your former roommate. His brain obviously can’t be trusted with such decisions, so he pushes through and tries again, and again, and again. When they inevitably end up in bed after each of their dates, it feels alright. Way better than trying to force a kiss, anyways, but there’s no spark, no electricity going through his body as Yonghoon goes down on him. Maybe it’s just that he doesn’t really know what to do with a dick yet?

As they lie awake, not even cleaned up yet, Hyungu blankly stares up, examining the tiny crack in his ceiling. Yonghoon’s hand finds his, but he shakes it away, like he would shake off an annoying insect.

“Hey…” he begins softly. “Do you actually want to be doing all of this?”

“I don’t know,” Jin answers immediately, as if he was waiting for that question. “Do you?”

“I… don’t know either. It’s not like it feels bad but…”

“It doesn’t feel as good as you want it to?”

“Yeah, that. Maybe we shouldn’t really be trying to date?”

“Man, I was the one to suggest it, but now I feel all weird about it…”

“Maybe that’s fine?” Hyungu rolls over to his stomach, probably smearing cum all over his sheets, but this way he can at least see Yonghoon’s face. “I still don’t get why you even brought it up, though.”

“I was scared of being single, I guess? When Yoona and I decided to take a break, that is.” He pauses, looking at Hyungu. He gives Jin a small nod, urging him to continue. “I was so used to having someone by my side, didn’t even matter if that someone threw stuff at me…”

“Then we definitely shouldn’t be dating.”

“Wha-at? You’re dumping me right after sex?! So rude, so cold!” Yonghoon dramatically wipes away an imaginary tear and pretends to blow his nose into the duvet. Hyungu laughs and slaps him across the chest.

This. This is the stuff he’s comfortable with, not turning his whole brain over to look for the things that were never there. This quick realization makes him laugh even harder, until tears gather in the corners of his eyes, and Yonghoon is all up in his face, asking what’s up.

Nothing’s up, it’s just better for them to bring it back to square one, and it’s nice that they both agree on this point. 

By the time their song comes back all pieced together and polished, they’ve decided to cool it off. When the grand first listen happens, they’re huddled up at Yonghoon’s for a change. What stays the same, though, is them celebrating with a chocolate cake, which goes well with the jam that they made. 

As the last seconds of the guitar line fade out, they double high five, and the palms of their hands colliding make such a loud sound for some reason, that their ears still ring, when the song loops. It feels silly to be cramped in a shitty apartment, stuffing your mouth with concentrated sugar while others of your age are marrying and drawing out plans for their entire lives, but to Hyungu it seems like that’s how this whole debacle needed to end. Not with a bang, but with a slap.

Wait, that sounds terrible… Maybe it’s for the better that Yonghoon doesn’t let him write lyrics.


End file.
